Is shouting on his children really so bad? - The360 Healthy

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  • Thursday, November 28, 2019

    Is shouting on his children really so bad?

    Is shouting on his children really so bad?

    The image of the ideal parent who keeps calm in any situation is very different from reality. But rest assured, even if you scream, your child may not have to follow 10 years of therapy to recover as an adult.


    Once you became a parent, you probably tried to reach perfection. Looking at your baby, you promised him never to raise his voice, and never lose your temper. Then the child grew up. You tried to breathe, to speak to him in a soft voice, then you shouted. It is an instinctive and universal way of expressing anger and irritation. And according to the experts, we are not monsters if we cry (sometimes) about our children.

    Indeed, verbal abuse can be as psychologically dangerous as physical violence. But shouting can also be used as a tool to allow parents to let off steam a little, while drawing the attention of children. The difference between a dangerous cry and a normal cry depends on the message transmitted, not the volume.

    Shout harmless

    The first rule of screaming without destroying the psychological balance of the child is not to criticize his person, but only his actions. "Put on your shoes", is not a dangerous cry, explains the site of the British channel CNN, while "but what can you be slow" will have a more negative impact. Just like "do not run in the street", versus "you're really too stupid".

    Parents leave the irritation in their voices because they want the child to know that they are frustrated, in the hope that this emotion motivates them. And there is no problem as long as the parent is clearly expressing frustration in the behavior and not the child itself.

    Second rule: consider the age and personality of the toddler. A child who is too young will be paralyzed by howling, and will not understand the message you want to express. And some children may be more sensitive than others to screaming.

    The limit not to cross

    Cries tend to occur during a moment of exacerbated emotions, and exacerbated emotions tend to make our judgment blurry. We might have a good reason to lose our temper, but once that coolness is lost, it's easy to get carried away, and to break through some barriers.

    The child then thinks that everything is his fault, and that he is "bad". But almost all parents will explode from time to time. Getting out of the box can help us explain that adults are not perfect, and that in any relationship, you can lose your head. We can then apologize sincerely and thus teach him forgiveness.

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